BHMF: Transfusion
by Dead at heart
Summary: A Hero is not born. A Hero is made. Through struggles and triumphs a Hero shapes his fate. I am Uzumaki Naruto. I'm a cynical bastard. Watch as I become a Hero. Reviews are greatly appreciated. Seriously. Please review?
1. Heroic Allegro

**A/N: Here it is loyal fans! Welcome to B.H.M.F.: Transfusion! Few new things – 1 ; Everything about ages stays the same, and I'm adding a bit of other gadgets from the real world (cell-phones, iPods, Etc.) The Harem is out, and I'm going to be doing some major focusing on his development as a **_**person**_** as well as a hero, mainly because I feel that will make for a better story. Also, I've come to the decision that he should maybe fuck up a series of relationships (And in reality, writing a harem sort of made me feel sleazy- no offence to harem writers, of course.) I've O.O.C.'d a few characters basing them off of people I know to help me write in a better fashion. Happy reading!**

**Demon Speech/ '**_**Mental Link'**_

Regular text/ "Speech"/ _thought_

"E**n**r**a**g**e**d **Speech"**

Chapter 1: The Dressing Room

_And if you look, _

_Everybody here's trying on new faces._

_And the ones that fit, _

_Are surprisingly contagious._

_With a shiny new beginning we cordially invite you too,_

_Into the dressing room._

_Breathe Carolina 'The Dressing Room'_

I'm not exactly the most normal type of person you'll meet. Not in the , as I lay here behind these bars, a woman's arm draped over my chest, it strikes me that my story may be even more interesting than that of the average person.

We'll start at the beginning – which is to say, right here. At the beginning. The woman lying next to me is a five thousand year old demon. And really, we're only doing that. Lying next to each other. We're both lonely – She because she can't see her demon friends and me because of her. But, hey, whatever.

Yesterday I graduated from the Konoha ninja Academy – By way of subversively getting one of my teachers arrested. Fucker actually tried to get me executed. Told me I should steal _The Forbidden Scroll of Sealing._ That's like, grade A, end-your-life material in this country. He must have thought I was retarded. But yeah, thirty minutes later, I was having my headband handed to me, and he was being sent to prison. I hated Mizuki anyways. Always using me as an example when sparring. He just wanted an excuse to _hit me_.

Tomorrow begins my formal training, under one Mitarashi Anko. The woman has a reputation for being two things – Batshit insane, and a rampant, flagrant tease.

'_**Girls who tease are hard to work with – but she'll be a good teacher for you, I think.'**_

"Why's that, Kit?"

'_**After training with her, you should be able to tell if someone's speaking the truth, as well as if a girl likes you or not. Because let's face it, on that front, you're pretty oblivious.'**_

"Oh, thank you, so very much. It's nice to know that one of my only friends thinks so highly of me. So, tell me, almighty woman noticer, who have you picked out of the fray of K.N.A.?"

'_**Well, that Ino girl seems to have taken a liking to you, in a pull-the-pigtails sort of way. And Ten-Ten had a noticeable infatuation with you right up until she graduated. But other than that, I haven't seen much.'**_

"And you didn't let me know this because?"

'_**Because I assumed you knew…'**_

"So you're saying I could have had an actual relationship all of this time? That if you had told me, I might have even gotten laid?"

'_**Yes.'**_

"Goddamnit. It's nice to know that I at least have two girls who were attracted to me. Reassures me that not everyone wants to jump the asshole king's disco stick."

_**'You mean the Uchiha boy?'**_

"Yeah. Him."

_**"…" **_She opened her mouth to say something, and then closed it again.

"Kit, what are you not telling me?"

_**'Well, I have noticed through our mental link, that whenever he looks at you, his pheromone levels rise.'**_

'Phere-… Aw, crap. He really is an asshole king." Her chittering laughter filled the room.

My alarm began to blare.

My eyes opened, and I stumbled awkwardly into my master bathroom – Sarutobi Hiruzen had revealed my heritage a few weeks ago, and I inherited the Namikaze estate, as well as the scrolls containing the training the regimen for the yellow flash technique.

After waking up in the Shower, I turned off the water, wrapped myself in a towel, then looked at myself in the mirror. Blonde hair, straightened with water fell over my eyes, and six scars lined my cheeks, looking sort of like feline whiskers. Tramping back out to my closet, I rifled through until I had an outfit assembled – standard fare. Body length suit jacket, fingerless gloves, goggles, head band around my neck, t-shirt, pants, shinobi boots. I threw a few books into a messenger bag, and within fifteen minutes, I was standing outside of K.N.A., talking to my best friend Hinata Hyuuga.

"So, how are things going with that long distance girl in Suna, Hinata?" (Did I mention that my best friend's also a lesbian? Makes life a lot easier.)

"Alright? – You still haven't explained how you managed to make it here. Last I checked, you were failing."

"Do you believe in me that little?"

"Yes." And so the sarcasm begins!

"I'm hurt…" I cracked a smile then we both burst in to laughter.

"Naruto pretending he has feelings. Always good for a laugh."

"Eh. Mizuki tried to get me to steal the forbidden scroll. I reported him. As a reward, the old man offered to overlook my failure at the clone technique so long as I promised to learn the sealing arts – which I am looking forward to learning."

"That's cool. I graduated the right way."

"You're also a pedophile."

"Shut up."

Walking down the hall almost went well, but asshole arrived and began berating me in his usual fashion.

"Hey retard. You're not supposed to be here, you know that, right?" Black emo-queer hair with blue dyed in at random places, beady onyx eyes, and a face with the paleness of the loads of a thousand men looked at me.

"A wild faggot appears." His eyes widened for a fraction of a second.

"Oh, because I've dated more girls than you ever will, right?" Hinata watched the exchange as usual. She somehow is friends with this prick, but I refuse to tolerate his bullshit.

"Oh? How many of them have you fucked?"

"All of them."

"Uh-huh. And if I asked the one that you're currently dating?" She'll say no. Because vagina makes you cringe.

"It's none of your business anyways." He walked away flustered.

"You're walking weird Sasuke! Are you sore?" We followed him to room 215 – and stepped inside – to our left were ten rows of brown fiberglass desks seated among them were Ino Yamanaka, Sakura Haruno, King asshat, Kiba Inuzuka, Shikamaru Nara, Choji Akimichi, and some really pale kid I'd never met before. We filed to the back and sat down. Iruka spoke up, and called out the names of the various teachers. I heard Ino's scream of protest when she found out she'd been teamed with me instead of her psychotic obsession. It was like a nail to my ear canal. From a nail gun. If you're not getting what I'm saying, then I'll put it like this. _INO IS A FUCKING BANCHEE. _ Hinata mumbled "Yes!" And my head stayed passively on the desk. Until Anko sauntered up and stopped directly in front of me. Sleep, your sweet embrace will have to wait.

"You know there are other team members for you to bother, right?"

"Yes, but the majority of my team happens to be sitting right here. So I thought I'd address you two first."

I cocked an unseen eyebrow. "Ino was closer – I may be over thinking things, but it wouldn't happen to have anything to do with me being male, would it?"

"We'll see. Meet me on the roof."

_Damnit. _I dragged ass to the roof, all the while listening to Ino incessantly bitch about my uselessness. I have never felt the urge to hit a woman more. Hinata was already there, an ear-bud in one ear sort of dancing along to a song by _Weezer_. Anko was there as well.

"Have a seat, boy and girls." We complied.

Anko sauntered over and sat next to the girls. On my lap.

"So, I believe introductions are in order – I already know your names. I believe my friend Kakashi would say 'a hobby, a dream, something you hate, and an interest.' We'll start with blondie over there."

"There's two of us." I grunted in protest.

"You're here. She's over there."

"I'm I-Ino Yamanaka" She was clearly surprised by Anko's antics. "My Hobbies include art," _Stalking Sasuke "_My dream is to run the family business," _Also marry a gay man. _"I hate Naruto," _Fuck you too, bitch._ "And I'm interested in a certain black haired someone."

Anko smiled and said "While I'm flattered, I don't think we can date Ino."

"I wasn't talking about you!"

"Well whatever," Anko waved Ino's speaking away. "Okay, boy of the team."

"I'm Naruto Uzumaki-Namikaze," She cocked an eyebrow. "My hobbies include reading and writing, my dream is to find someone whose standards are low enough to fuck me, I hate people who disrespect what they lack an understanding of," I took a break to glare at Ino "And I'm interested in WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING THIS?" she was working her hand around my inner thigh.

"Just because. It's fun to see how people react to this sort of thing." She grinned. "Okay, now you, music girl."

"I'm Hinata Hyuuga. My Hobbies include surrealist and comic art, my dream is to make a living off of said art, I don't even like using the word hate, but hipsters… ugh. I'm interested in learning my family's marshal art to its highest level.

Anko clapped her hands – tan jacket jiggling just enough in the chest area to reveal she was wearing no bra. _**'And now they see where your mind is at Naruto. Well done.'**_

'_Shut up, kit.'_

"Alright kids, I'm Anko Mitarashi. And Men, men, men, … men. Yes. Meet me at the shopping district tomorrow. Naruto, I've been assigned as a live in teacher for your sealing arts instruction so," she leaned in just close enough to my face that I could feel her breath. "Your place, hon?"

_Oh, great._

**A/N: And that's the first chapter of B.M.F.H.: transfusion – Hope you all liked it! Drop a review by, and tell me what you thought! See you next time!**


	2. Symphony of Oaths

**A/n: No excuses for this one mates. I'll try to update regularly, but also I'm lazy. Have fun with it! Also, I've decided to go a bit more in depth with Naruto's Heroic ancestry, and so I'm approppriating S.M. Stirling's Montival characters. (Particularly, Rudi Mackenzie.)**

**Biju/ Demon externalized**

_**Bijuu to Jinchuriki**_

Standard Speech

_Thought/ Emphasis_

**Allegro:**

_" You can hide behind the Bible_

_We still know you're fucked._

_Inbreeding can claim this one_

_so, chalk it up."_

_**The Wonder Years**_**.**

I flash down from the ninja academys roof top; landing squarely on my feet next to my other friends, Kiba Inuzuka and Shikamaru Nara. They waited after their initial meet up with their teachers. Kiba's wearing an all black hoodie with a fur lining, and next to him is his gar-fucking-gantuan dog, Akamaru. They're barking back and forth, effectivley making Akamaru look rabid, and Kiba look like a goddamn lunatic. Shikamaru's just standing there, in his green Chuunin issue vest, rolling a cigarrette between his index finger and thumb, in deep contemplation of something. My guess? Lighting it.

"Aw, guys, you stayed behind? I'm touched."

Kiba's the first to respond. "We were just wondering how your retarded ass got here in the first place, whiskers."

"Heard you got white hairs arrested. Good deal, he was a drag." I was going to acknowledge that my graduation was only conditional, but Shikamaru's rolling of the unlit tobacco began to deeply piss me off.

"Shikamaru, if you don't light that shitty ass leaf filled paper I am going to make you eat it."

He flicks out his lighter "Whatever."

Kiba looks at me "So, dude, what happened exactly?"

"Mizuki tried to get me to steal the forbidden scroll of sealing - the old man offered to let me graduate as long as I replaced my failure at the clone justsu with a 'versed mastery of the sealing arts'".

"_Shitty._"

Shikamaru takes a drag off the cigarrette and passes it to me. "Not for those of us who can read, Kiba." He says. I drag.

"Fuck you, _and_ your letters, I can speak dog."

I snort "And look like a fuckin' psychopath while you do it." I pass it to him, feeling the mild buzz of the nicotine kicking in. My phone starts to vibrate, it's a number I don't know. I always pick these up anyways, because of being civil - which I don't do enough of in reality.

"Hello?"

"Bonjour monsieur chimney."

"Anko?"

"That's Anko Sensei, Gaki."

_**'She didn't strike me as the rule type. Hm.'**_

_I know,what the fuck?_ The exchanges between me and kit always make people think I'm not understanding a joke or a comment, or whatever. Basically, when I talk to Kit mid-conversation, people think I'm slow.

"I'm just kidding kid, sensei or Anko, or whatever you wanna call me will do."

"Alright, and? Also, how did you know I was smoking?" It's here I should mention that Kiba and Shikamaru are blushing beet red, and Kiba has a nosebleed, and oh shit she's behind me.

I don't turn to look at her, but I can feel her slinking her way towards me seductively anyways. She rests her hands on my shoulders, rotating her thumbs in the pit between my neck and shoulderblades. She leans in, close to my ear and whispers.

"Gonna help me move in, or what?"

My tell finally releases itself. I scream "For Fucksake, I'm seventeen!" at the top of my lungs, my eyebrow twitching furiously.

She giggles like a madwoman, yells "Old enough to kill, old enough to fuck!" and poofs out of existence. I sigh deeply. "Guys, finish the cig without me. I gotta go."

Kiba and Shikamaru laugh as well, shaming me as I walk away with cries of "Beta-male!" and "Meow, Ftch!" As I'm walking I pass by my favorite Ramen stand, Ichiraku. A couple steps through the ribbons seperating it from the streets and I'm in.

"Hey Old man Ichiraku. One of everything, please." He lights the burner, starting with the stir-fried Lomein. Normally, this isn't a problem. But today, for some reason it is. Whether it's the fire flashing just right, or the wok slamming against the metal, something's wrong.

_Cheering. I hear cheering.I'm in what looks like an old hotel, mold on the walls, stains all over the matress, etcetera. I look at the date on the calendar. October Tenth, 2007. My twelfth birthday. The Mob Night. " It's time we let the Hokage know we've had enough!" the crowd cheers, an uproar of insults and jeers towards me. There's a minister standing in front of a massive congregation, egging them on - they're carrying standard mob affair, torches, pitchforks, I think one even has a plastic lightsaber. "We won't let the demon live on in our midst!" _

_"Yeah!"_

_"Kill him!"_

_It's at this moment that I hear slamming against the door of my shitty, run down apartment. "We's comin' ta git' ya, demon!"_

_"Yo' ass is grass!" Even though I'm scared shitless, my overly world wisened mind takes a moment to reflect on how many friggin' hillbillies there are in Kanoha. _

_The seal-reinforced hollowcore door begins to creak with the slams over and over, breaking in half, slowly, and though I'll never admit it to any of my friends, dear reader, I actually started to cry. Not just standard tears leaving the eyes, either, big messy river tears, globs of snot and fear sweat. I was a mess. The door breaks. The hillbillies rush to overtake me, and their mandatory training beats out my mid-academy level practice. one of them is shirtless, lanky, with blue eyes and a shaved head. the two grabbing my sides are both burly brown haired guys. All of them have the same swastika tattooed in the center of their chests. Gotta hand it to the skinheads, they act fast. And my Anbu gaurds never act at all, the assholes._

_"Put the little shit on his knees" Blue-eyes says, unbuckling his belt. He whips out his D-piece, forcefully inserting it down my esophagus. Ramming in and out and holding my nose shut, while I slowly suffocate in the single most degrading way to die ever. "Na-ru-to"_

"Na _ruto_"

"NARUTO!" I blink, suddenly I'm back at Ichiraku's. I'm in a cold sweat, shaking. Ayame's standing over me, all brown hair and soul-invading dinnerplate eyes staring at me in concern. "You alright?" maybe it's just me, but as I feel the last of the flash back fall away I swear I can hear a faint voice say _'not today, boyo, not today..."_

"Yeah, just really hungry."

"That's bullshit, you were having a flashback, weren't you?" Ayame went into a psyche specialty after her time in the Ninja academy, helping distressed Shinobi get back on their feet before her dad opened up shop.

"No."

"When were you this time?" Ayame's seen me have the odd flashback from the age of twelve (when the Hokage revealed my true heritage, saving me from the mob) onwards. Kit places psyche barriers fresh every day, so that I'm not a shivering blubbering psyhopathic mess, but the odd memory still gets through. "Mob Night."

"You mean the night when those skin heads?"

"Yeah." Anko was with the squad that blew past the mob and into my apartment, I was blue faced when they got there, and she castrated the guy that was mouth fucking me to death. _Even for rape, that's still a bit extreme._

_**'You should ask her about it. You two might have some common ground.'**_

Ayame's looking at me expectantly. "You want to talk about it?"

"There's not really much to talk about, standard angry herd of stupid people protesting my existence. It happened every other day, back then." I chuckle "I remember thinking 'so this is how it ends, huh? choking on some backwood retards non-genetically diverse sperm?'"

"Naruto, you can't just push this away - while I don't know how you endure what you have,"- No one knows about me talking to Kit, if they did, I would be _so_ dead. "If you don't work through your scarring it'll only get worse."

"I don't want to talk about it, Ame, I know you're concerned for your little brother but it's just too hard to think about, I need some more time for the fire to die down."

"That's understandable, forcing you through it can be more damaging than you repressing it, but you _have_ to let it out sooner or later-" here she flicks my headband "or you'll be a danger to your teammates." she says, and smiles.

"congratulations, by the way." old man Ichiraku places all of my food on the table, twice.

"Two of everything, on the house!"

"Two? On the house?"

"One of my favorite customers relives some of the worst experiences of his life in my shop, I try to give him the best experience, you hear?"

"Thanks, Old man."  
>"No problem, kid." Iruka walks in, sitting to me.<p>

"You sure you can eat all of that, Naruto?"

"take whatever you want, teach, there's no way I could eat all of this _and _help Anko move in.

"A-Anko's moving in?"

"Yeah, she's a seal speacialist, right? The old man told me I had to master the sealing arts to keep my status."

"_Oh._ Makes sense then, I guess. You sure are in for it though."

"Why'zat?"

"Well, Anko... Anko is a bit of a man eater."  
>"She's good at blowjobs?" Iruka looks off into the distance, blushing slightly and getting a nosebleed. "I'll take that as a yes."<p>

Iruka shakes his head back and forth repeatedly, spraying blood all over his lomein and tempura pork. "No, what I mean is... well, how has she acted around you so far?"

"On both occasions I've met her, she's made physical contact, in intimate ways."

"She's attracted to you, but even that isn't a barrier to sex with her, really. Don't fall for her kid, she'll only step on your heart."  
>"I'm seventeen, dude. My heart is replaced with my penis when it comes to women. <p>

"I know, I know, I just don't want to see you get hurt." I look around, at the old man behind the counter in the kitchen, the young woman wiping bowls I've cleaned out down, and the man sitting at the counter and enjoying my food. I sigh.

"You know, being an orphan and all, I couldn't ask for a better family."

**Adagio:**

_"I'm not sad anymore, _

_I'm just tired of this place,_

_and the weight of the world,_

_would be okay,_

_if it would pick a shoulder to lean on,_

_so I could stand up straight."_

**The Wonder Years.**

It's been three days since Anko has moved in to my house, and I've caught her having sex with as many different guys. The woman's lucky chakra empowers the immune system to the point that a ninja can only get sick in the most hostile of environments, because honestly the amount of dick this woman takes in is astounding.

As I'm thinking about this, I realize that I've not taken any notes during the tutoring session she's giving me.

Mainly because the bloodflow that's meant for my head is currently coursing through the smaller of my two brains. Anko doesn't wear her trench coat indoors. "Gaki, are you even paying attention?"

I snap out of my fantasies, the last image of Anko on her back screaming my name fading out of my head sowly. "Huh-wha?" She's standing at one of the four wall sized white boards I had installed for a new Ninja Theory studies room. (Because Namikaze are fuggin' _loaded,_ apparently).

Unfortunately, Anko didn't get to Jounin without learning how to spot body language - or equip a team* "Naruto, you do realize that there are many Kunoichi that are just as seductive, if not more so than I am. If you can't stay focused around a naked woman you may as well call it a day and turn in your head band."

"Woman, I am seven-goddamn-teen. My frontal cortex hasn't even developed."  
>"Oh. My. God."<p>

"What?" I say as she saunters up to me, in a straight line sway hipped walk that shows off her legs and makes her breasts jiggle in her fishnet. She curls her index finger under my chin.

"You're a virgin, aren't you?"

"... and?" She cracks up laughing - to the point that she's in tears.

"Kid you have got to be retarded."

"Why's that?" I say indignantly.

"Have you ever watched an old world 80's movie, kid? _The Breakfast Club_? _Ferris Beuhller's Day Off_?"

"Uh, no?"

"Well those movies star the cynical bad boy for a reason. You got wit, kid, and that could have taken you far during your years at the academy."

"How so?"

"... Wow. You really spend too much time in your own head don't you?"

"You would too, if you had my childhood."

"I did, kid," she sighs, pulling out a chair. "You think life was easy for me, after Orochimaru?"

"Guess I didn't think about it like that. But still, I'm just no good with normal people anymore."

"Yeah, life's hard after that kind of shit, right? Hear someone complain that their coffee's cold and you wanna fucking stab them. My advice to you, is to pick something that you can pour your troubles into."

"What'd you pick?"

She gestures to her clothes, and smiles wearily. "Isn't it obvious?" I grunt, after all, what can I say? "Alright, that's it."

"wha?" She lifts up my shirt.

"Hold Still." She starts to pour chakra into my stomach, revealing the octuple trigram seal hidden there. "See this round part? That's a quadruple trigram seal. It allows for whatever it's sealing up to be stored and processed into chakra. the one around it, that makes it look like the sun is a different type of quadruple trigram, that allows for the body to accept demonic chakra into its own network, effectively making you immune to the negative effects of the Kyuubi's Chakra over time." Then something starts to glow bright blue, like, cerulean blue. Suddenly Anko screams. "I've never. What the hell?"

And I hear that faint voice I heard three days ago. _"Welcome to your lineage, lad. This has been a long time comin' it has."_ And I pass out. I wake up in a valley, huge, beautiful and fertile, rivers running through it, all kinds of live stock. castles, cabins, a weird combination of both. In front of the largest castle is me, and a couple- a man with shoulder length red-gold hair, a crown, and a half harnessed suit of armor. Next to him stands a woman with features a little to bold for standard beauty - definitely cute, though, with brown hair and a circlet.

"Where- where am I?" the woman laughs - not at me - it's more like she's a mother, laughing at something her child doesn't know but she intends to teach it.

"You're in Montival, Naruto."

"Montival?" The red-gold hair man speaks up next.

"Aye, laddie - have you ever heard of the lost village? the hidden village that founded the art of war usin' magic as its center?" He has an odd accent, it makes him prounounce the letter e with sort of a long 'a' sound, with an almost musical rise and fall.

"Montival? Isn't that the place in the fairytales?"

"Aye, first it was Montival, then it was Albion, and comin' to the world ya know now, it's the lands of the elements."

"Okay? I'm at a loss. Is Ayame right? Have I gone batshit?" the lady laughs again.

"No, Naruto, you haven't. You see, we're the Montivallan royalty, and We've decided to call upon you, who are of Noble blood to join the Montivallan nobility."

"I don't get it."

"Boyo, you're descended from my line, you are - from the marriage between my daughter and the son of one Huon Liu to be sure. I'm your many times great grandpappy, lad."

"And I your grandmother." the Brownhaired woman says. Uh-huh, yeah, and I'm fucking santa.

"What does this mean?"

Red-hair speaks up. "Lad, have you ever wondered why you have such a hard time at the basic warriors arts? why ya put your face in the midden when ya try to make a clone illusion?"

"I assumed it was because I was stupid..."

The woman laughs again. "Naruto, what is Chakra, at it's basest explanation?"

"It's an extension of a shinobi's will, shaped with handseals..."

"Aye, lad, and you are a warrior with far too much will power in ya. Well for the basics, were it so."

"what does that even mean?"

"You, boyo, are what once was known simply as a 'hero'. A man with an intense ability to shape the world around 'im with a mere thought. Puttin' his foes face in the dirt and endin' the lives of the evil for the greater good, so it were."

"And?"

The queen speaks up again. "And so we're awakening that ability within you, Naruto. Your world is in dire distress, men selling their souls for knowledge, fathers sealing demons in their sons, causing them to go insane. You are to be our champion, our knight among the trodden. Do you understand?"

"I... I think. What do you guys have to do with this?"

red hair speaks up again. "I was the first one, lad." he says, tapping the hilt of his sword. On closer inspection, the weapon seems too... _real_.

"Okay, so I'm s'posed to be the next you? What do I do?"

"That's a good thing, your wonderin' is. Here I'll be givin' ya your oath. Kneel, boyo." I take a knee. He draws his long sword, placing it on my left shoulder.

"Do you, Naruto Uzumaki, Son of water, son of fire, of Montival and of Kanohagakure swear to serve the greater good all your mortal days?"

"I do."

"Do you swear to sacrifice your sweat, time, blood, and tears, to help the trodden and the stepped on? To kill your enemies with mercy, and your friends should they get in the way of justice?"

"I do."

"Do you swear, that before you enter this afterlife you will sort out the scars of your past, that you might better serve the hurt which you have previously sworn to protect?" Here I have to pause. "Well, lad, do ya?"

"I-I do." he takes his sword and places it on my other shoulder, and then sheathes it.

"stand, and recieve your cuffing." I stand, and he fucking slaps the _shit_ out of me.

I dub thee Sir Naruto, of the fief Kanoha, may your seer treat you with compassion.

and with that, I wake up.

**Scherzo:**

_"They turned on the fountain today, _

_at Logan Circle,_

_I felt something in me change."_

**The Wonder Years.**

When I come to, Anko's still passed out, and there's another person sitting in my study room.

"Shit, you're the new hero?" Why, in the _fuck_ is king asshat in my house.

"What are you doing here dickbreather?" He sighs.

"I'm a seer, and I guess maybe we should drop these bitter ass hate boners we have for each other." huh-wha?

"I, uh..."

he chuckles.

"Surprised? Me too, but I've got some shit I need to deliver for you, and who knows, maybe this'll be the start of a good friendship?"

"I guess..."

"Alright, then. We'll start over." He holds out a hand to help me up. "I'm Sasuke. What's your name?"

"Couldn't get any cheesier if you tried, could you?" He laughs for reals now, gesturing towards a package on the teachers desk.

"Those are your hero's weapons - they don't need maintanence, and they'll evolve and grow alongside your abilities."

"What does that mean?"

"Well, as you learn about your new powers, your appearance will start to change based on the choices you make, so will the appearance of these weapons, and their capabilities. Save a peasant from an asshole, you'll find that your ranged weapon gets ore accurate when you're being noble, kill a peasant like an asshole, and your weapon might drip blood and poison."

"Hmph."

"On top of that, there are these." he says, handing me a pair of gauntlets.

" And these are?"

"Spell gauntlets. They allow you to process your magical powers on the fly, creating fire, spewing poison mist, healing wounds and summoning creatures is all up for grabs. Just will it to happen and it will."

"Cool. So what's your mix in all this?"

"I'm your seer. I help you figure out what to do and where to go next." his face crinkles into a smile.

"Honestly, this doesn't seem like it'll be that bad, let's just let bygones be bygones."  
>"Sure." I hear a groan from Anko.<p>

"Looks like I gotta go, man. See you 'round."

"Sure." and he's gone.

"The fuck just happened?" I hear Anko mumble "I feel like I was part of a gangbang I got too drunk to remember."

"I guess... I'm a Hero, now" She looks at me, still dazed a little bit, like she was way drunk for a few hours.

"...Hero? Like in those old fairytales?"

"Yeah." I say, approaching the two parcels on the table. one contains the same sword that Red Hair had, and the other contains a bow and quiver the bow is about six feet long. The label simply reads _"for the descendents of Rudi Mackenzie"._

_**'Looks like I've got some things to teach you, Naruto.'**_

_What do you mean, Kit?_

_**'Before we were entities of pure chakra, or, as we knew it, will power, the Bijuu were heroes. Very powerful heroes. Basically gods. Eventually, after our bodies fell, we became maddened, as the world slowly forgot its origins in Montival. I... well, the fox form was just the form I preferred most, it spoke to my personality best.'**_

_So what was your real form?_

_**'I was a blond haired girl, lost an eye in a fight, had a twin sister. My name was Ritva Havel.'**_

Suddenly my head is reeling, pictures of a beautiful blonde woman riding a horse, firing at mad-men in robes and armor the color of dried blood. fighting along side red hair in a team.

_**'The man you refer to as Red Hair is Rudi Mackenzie. He was the first hero in Montival, the first of us to unlock the power of will.'**_

_Hm._

_**'It's time you learned what that power is.'**_

**Sonata:**

_"Cause most days are bad days,_

_we can't wait for someone to pull me off the concrete,_

_we stopped standing proud,_

_a year ago now,_

_what you see is just a shell of who I used to be."_

**The Wonder Years.**

Three weeks later I'd pretty much mastered the art of will, though I hadn't quite gotten the full hang of my weapons, I'd gotten used to compensating for arrows that wouldn't have hit their target using will-based course correction. I also had a buckler crafted in the old style, about a foot and a half across, circular and convex, made of light-steel, so that it wouldn't slow me down in combat.

Anko was surprised when I started practicing with the weapons immediatley, and also when I started picking up my studies faster than ever before, focusing with attention "She'd never seen in a shinobi my age."

She did come home drunk a few times, tried to get me to sleep with her, and I never did. Just put her to bed, locked the door and kept watch in case she tried to sneak out. Considered it the first part of my oath to great granddad. Today is different though. I've been graduated from the academy for three weeks, and in that time, aside from basic teambuilding excercises and a few D-rank missions, Anko hasn't called our squad together at all.

But here we are, standing in the Hokage's office, listening to a Bridge Builder sputter at the Shinobi that aren't gaurding the village, begging anyone to take the A-Rank mission for C-rank price. The shinobi are laughing at him, Sasuke's hanging back, looking reserved, seeing what I'll do, one of the anbu kicks the bridge builder, and he hits the floor.

"Please, you have to help me! My village needs this bridge!"

"Whatever, old man, if you can't pay up, you don't need it enough."

Anko looks at me, then to Hinata, and to Ino.

"What do you guys think?"

Hinata lets out a "Hai Sensei."  
>Ino says "Poor guy..."<p>

I step to the front of the crowd, in my half harness armor, black T-tunic with beak shaped hood, and clasped raven-feather brooch, and say "We'll do it." the Shinobi let out a discontented murmur - the freshly graduated son of their beloved fourth Hokage has just volunteered for a suicide mission that seasoned Chuunin wouldn't survive.

Kakashi speaks up. "Hokage, sir, there's no way you can let this squad go to the-"

The hokage puts up his hand to placate Kakashi. "While I know your history as a shinobi, Kakashi, I assure you Naruto is much smarter, wiser, and more talented than he appears- despite his youth. He can make his own decisions, so long as the rest of his squad, and his instructor agree."

Anko steps up even with me "We do."

"Very well, the remainder of the A-Rank Stipend will come out of the village treasury upon the return of shinobi squadron 12. Dismissed." 

_Next stop, the land of waves._

_**'And as Rudi would say, This'll indeed make the threefold work in our favor, it will.'**_

**A/N: Hope that makes up for the absence; for any of you wondering who exactly Rudi Mackenzie and Ritva Havel are, I encourage you to check out **_**The Sunrise Lands**_** from your local library. See you soon, hopefully, but we'll see with college and all. Sorry if I didn't get the humor quite as well as I have in the past, I've grown a bit as a person and my writing is a bit different because of it.**

**Drop a review, tell me what you think. Does the new voice work better?**


End file.
